We're Done (white ppl) And It Feels Good
Do Not Disturb: Napping/ Ripping Shit Up
Friends,
Most of my emails now include some version of the phrase: "What a time we are in." On the other side of these words, I'm taking a deep breath and sinking into a heavy pause. I'm angry, scared, disbelieving, and all the other things that many of us feel.
Much brilliant ink has already been spilled on what to make of this moment and the electorate who made it so. Though my TikTok scrolling has (despite best efforts) exponentially increased, I will not belabor the points that have been and continue to be made regarding race and misogyny. We already know.
What I am surprised by is how my body is meeting this moment. Never have I felt my feet so firmly planted, my spine so upright, my communication so crystalline.
I am becoming the embodiment of a phrase I heard repeatedly during my youth: Do I Look Like a Fool to You?
This newfound sturdiness is precisely the opposite of the head tilt and smile that characterized much of my 30s. This part of me, forged in the classroom and schoolyard, prioritized being "good" and "nice" more than being sustained. She believed that likeability and rule-following were the ticket to respect and care. As much as I've worked for her surrender, her people-pleasing tendencies seemed intractable. Now, post-election, she's throwing her hands to the sky and saying, "fuck it." I'm worried about what's ahead for this country and relieved by what it's invoking in me. I echo the sentiments of one dear friend who told me post-election, "I'm going full witch."
My movements feel ancestral. My mantra, grounded in historical context, comes forth with verve and exactitude:
I'm done serving you, what I'm most interested in is surviving you and putting my energy where it's most effective to build something better.
I'm grateful she's awake, and I'm recognizing how this part has been here all along, just pushed to the side by my inner accommodator, who was too willing to sacrifice her needs and intuition for a proverbial gold star.
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
What's been more encouraging is how many other women of color feel similarly. In conversations with friends, colleagues, and clients, what comes forth is some version of "I'm done."
As my friend
beautifully reflected in a recent conversation:The elections are part of the system, and Black women have had a role in how these elections play out. Our role in society has always been to save the white people from themselves and try to include everyone, white women included. Let's organize. Let's be the strong ones. Let's find the way. This expectation upholds the system itself. We're never going to win.
Now we're like, wait a minute, my energy is not going to be spent on trying to drag white women along to do the right thing. I'm done. I'm resting. Don't ask me for anything else because I'm not participating in the role you have made for me in this system. I'm going to do the things that I've always done in my community. In my family. So that I can thrive. Because that's where the real work is.
The bullshit-itude that was this election has become a newfound source of strength.
We're pushing back against the misaligned requests and obtuse observations of white bodies, challenging white fragility and no longer allowing ignorance to be an excuse for harmful behavior.
We're not letting the microaggressions or tone-deaf comments slide, standing up for ourselves and refusing to perform emotional labor for others.
We're detaching from the outsized expectations of others, divesting from a system that doesn't serve us, and prioritizing our own systems of support.
With a fresh lens, we're seeing just how often we've stepped in, stepped up, or held our tongue to keep the peace; how often we've acquiesced to the demands of an external authority; how frequently we've hustled and numbed our needs to meet the urgency of the moment.
So many of us are saying, "No More." And, while holding our ground isn't always comfortable, it also feels really good.
I'm reminded of a note
recently shared: "Sometimes being myself feels like rebellion enough."This post-election reality isn't what I had hoped for, but in a way, it's the truth we need to confront. Our path to liberation was never going to be possible by ignoring the deep wounds inflicted by chattel slavery, racialized capitalism, and the dominance of whiteness. These historical and ongoing systemic oppressions have shaped our society, and this recent reckoning is forcing us to face the cold, hard truth. Us melanated folks have always known it and we’re tired of dragging this horse to water.
Instead, this election made all the more clear that it's time to divest from a system that has exploited our resilience and neglected our voices. We're not just stepping back; we're creating space for a new reality – one that embraces our authentic selves and acknowledges our inherent worth.
The sturdiness of our spine and planted-ness of our feet, I believe, is connected to the fire that burned in the hearts of so many of our ancestors who held their heads high inside unimaginable conditions and challenges to their humanity.
Divesting is not disengagement or defeat. It's reclaiming our power and redirecting our energies toward building a future that truly serves us. In our standing for ourselves, we're not just breaking free from a harmful system; we're laying the groundwork for a world where our voices are heard, our needs are met, and our dreams are not just possible but within reach.
May it be so.
With love,
k
What’s Coming Up ⭐️
Workshop! Numerology For the Spiritually Inclined
Thursday, December 19 at 11 am PT | Zoom |
Free to all paid subscribers! Zoom link below
Numerology is an ancient metaphysical tool akin to astrology.
This workshop is about learning how to tap into this wisdom so we may work with rather than against the energetic forces that are shaping our lives.
Numerology can be a tool for liberation or it can support the status quo depending on how it is used. My approach centers the more than human world and getting free.
In this workshop, we’ll cover
The numerology of 2025
How to calculate your personal number and year
The wisdom and challenges of your number
This workshop will not be recored.
Registration info below (this is only visible to paid subscribers).