Putting Down The Pressure To Find Your "Purpose"

Listen to this post:

Hello friends,

I've been thinking about how the pressure that so many of us feel to "find our purpose" is really capitalist ethos masquerading as self-actualization.

Finding "our purpose" becomes yet another way we equate our worth with what we do. If we're not sure what our purpose is or aren't able to manifest it, internally we may feel embarrassed and ashamed. Lack of "purpose" indicates that somewhere we made a wrong turn or were less dedicated than others.

In our pursuit of a purpose-driven life inside of racialized capitalism, we easily equate success with some ability to monetize our passion. This pressure twists the human desire for meaning and fulfillment into a mere cog in the economic machine. Our aspirations for a value-driven existence are co-opted and exploited by an inherently extractive and manipulative system.

What is our purpose other than to be human and to do the best we can with this often messy job?

Yes, there will be days when we feel we're right where we're meant to be, that the stars are aligning, and we're fulfilling our soul's journey. Most of the time, though, our lives are decidedly not this. Life is laundry and dishes, carpooling, and bedtime routines. It's the same old day in and out while dreaming of that trip to Turkey or pondering what you'd be doing if younger you had gone left instead of right.

When our lives are filled with the monotony that is actually living, does that mean that somewhere we've made a misstep? The systems we’re in, say, ABSOLUTELY. You should be LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE. If you're bored, wistful, or lost, it's time to TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS. YOLO, right?

Wrong.

We may only live once. The verdict is out on that. Still, I say no to any pressure to make my life more sparkly and enviable by filling it with "purpose." Sometimes you've just got to take out the dog shit. Sometimes, you feel unsure and existential. Allowing this without making it wrong or angling to "fix it" is a very anti-colonial approach.

Our purpose is to feel and be. This may sound small, but our true presence inside a society that conditions us to operate as numb, disembodied machines is profound. We can look to nature for inspiration — The broad-limbed Redwoods, the pelicans flying at dusk in their V formation, our dog lounging in a sunbeam on a Monday afternoon.

Protecting time to be with ourselves and the larger world without judgment or pressure to be more is pretty radical and just what living is. Resting in this is where we find fulfillment. In my own life, a conversation with a friend, an afternoon nap, a moment of care towards myself when I'm in a difficult emotion, can

make for a pretty good day. Humaning is care, rest, pleasure, and connection. It is beautiful. It is strange. It is enough. 

This month's practice is all about putting down the pressure to find your purpose. If you do this one, please let me know how it goes.

With care,

Kelsey

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