Introducing the Drinking Gourd

Recognizing true north, honoring ancestral wisdom, and claiming authenticity.

My words this year are Humility, Trust, and Surrender.

That may give you a sense of what 2023 has been for me.

I published a book, yeah! But then spent too much money on a fancy publicist who got me nowhere. Boo!

It’s not that I expected anything on the other side of publishing. I just could never have imagined what it turned out to be. I like to tell friends, “It’s like running a marathon, getting to the finish line, and then being told to run another one.” In this case, the next marathon was scheduling and promoting a book tour. Of course, this tour would be entirely self-funded and organized by Moi. Aside from the money, I couldn’t do it. It took sweat and tears to push the book over the finish line. To quote my father, there was no blood left in this turnip.

My inability to promote my work felt like failure. Upon hearing that I had a new release on the shelves, folks would inevitably ask, “Are you doing a tour?” “What about readings in bookstores?” “Speaking ?” No. No. No. “But … this is your opportunity,” they would say. “This is the time.”

“Uh, huh, Uh, huh” I would anxiously head nod. And then, cue: SHAME, enter: PANIC. My mind scurried with things I could do, should do. My throat and belly gripped with fear and dread. I know these feelings well. Well enough, luckily, to recognize that when they show up it’s not a good time for doing anything. When my mind is spinning and my body is frozen, I’m in a wound. This hurt could be from my history — conditioning I’ve picked up from many years of being a “good student.” Or, it could be some collective ill I’ve fallen into — in this case, the inhumane demands of capitalism that keep us churning and burning beyond our capacity.

I can’t act rationally and (more importantly) in alignment with my values when I’m in this place. Every move will be an effort to stop the hurt. I’ll take some step to appease the demands of whatever pressures I’m under, and in the process, I’ll leave myself and my needs in the gutter. No, rather than slapping a book marketing plan together, the more accurate move, the one that made space for the truth of all that was swirling within me was to do nothing. This actually meant, doing a whole lot of something. It meant making space for feeling my grief, uncertainty, and doubt and trusting that perhaps (perhaps), even though every fiber of my being wanted a way out, there might be some wisdom in staying with the pain.

My publicity “tour” looked like sitting with my ancestors, engaging in guided ritual practices, napping on the couch, taking my dog for her daily beach walk, spending time with friends, finding community and solace in a 12-step program, reading for pleasure, devouring astrology podcasts, and trying (trying) to quell my inner worrier who was convinced that this was all not okay.

Sky meets ocean. Mori Point is not the beach I walk the most often but a vibe I very much enjoy. It has a great view of the North Star on the rare fog-less night.

It was during an evening beach walk that I noticed The North Star midway up the horizon. It’s not the brightest body in the sky nor is it the easiest to find. You have to know your way around. Yet, from way-finding sailors to moon-oriented growers, so many humans have been guided by its gentle twinkle. In particular, I thought of its significance to my people who escaped chattel slavery by following its light over the Mason-Dixon line. Amid horrors I can only imagine, how comforting it must have been to see it shining ahead and know, no matter where you were, the direction toward freedom. Now, gripped in sorrows seeded by racialized capitalism, this summer of “do nothing” found my body taking this path over and over again. It was only then that I realized I’d been walking Truth North. In my healing, I too was walking toward freedom.

More about my financial model and why I love Substack.

What Is the Drinking Gourd?

The drinking gourd is another name for the constellation known to many as The Big Dipper. The two stars on the outer edge of the bowl point to Polaris or the North Star.

Follow the Drinking Gourd is a folk song enslaved Black people sang mapping the path to freedom. Each line of the song shares information about the route.

I remember being fascinated by this story as a child. The possibility that my ancestors could have escaped their enslavers via the oral transmission of a song that instructed them to follow the twinkle of a celestial body many light years away, filled me with awe.

Our enslaved ancestors weren’t taught to read or write. They couldn’t speak openly or plot escape and yet they found a way. They were born enslaved, from parents and grandparents and great-grandparents who were also enslaved, and still imagined another existence. A fire burned inside that led them to risk their life for a possibility they’d never seen.

As I walked my familiar route I wondered, what would it mean to follow their bravery and intuitive wisdom? What is the freedom that I’ve never seen that I would risk everything for? If the ancestors were alive now, what tools would they use to connect, inspire, and fortify each other? How might I honor their legacy by following the Drinking Gourd today?

We are not on the plantation, but many of us still work ourselves to the bone. We hustle because of the many responsibilities on our shoulders. We hustle for the hope of financial security. We hustle because we believe if we do it just right, one day we’ll get to rest. But we know that rest won’t come. The systems that be are content to let us work until we’ve given everything. No, if we want reprieve we must claim it.

Following The Drinking Gourd means trusting the knowing of the body over the urgency of the mind; it means actively investigating ways you’ve been colonized by oppressive conditioning and being in communities that help you explore and take off these masks; it means calling in ritual, the ancestors and magic for support and resilience; and it means aligning each step with the guidance of spirit.

The Drinking Gourd is a reminder that we can claim what is life supporting right now.

✨ It is a celebration of BIPOC people and our wisdom
✨ It is an invitation to walk your True North with the support of many alongside you
✨ It is a reminder of abundance and living in right relationship with the land
✨ It is a reflection of tenderness as an expression of strength
✨ It is a request for authenticity especially when forces want you to do their dance
✨ It is a call for reclamation

In addition to stories from my own life as I try to center practices rooted in liberation, freedom, and joy, you’ll find regular shares of resources that are giving me life, invitations to be in practice together, and (for paid subscribers) opportunities to participate in BIPOC and general audience workshops to break free of conditioning holding us back from offering the gifts we’re meant to bring forward.

My hope is that this space might feel in some small way like glimpsing the north star on a clear night. May you find some of what you need here to step forward on your path with inspiration, ground, connection, and a sense of true north. May it be a reminder that wherever you are headed, you are not alone. Our ancestors stand at our backs and so many journey alongside you.

With love,
Kelsey